Destination Brides

This isn’t about my wedding.

Sometimes I like to post wedding/marriage related things which I find elsewhere, think about or invent. Today, I found something on “the forum” about destination brides – i.e. couples who get married abroad. It’s an interesting issue.

Is getting married abroad selfish?

Well, in my opinion, if it’s a choice made by the couple, not the couple AND associated friends/family, then yes, it is. Not very selfish, but still selfish. We all know it’s cheaper for the couple and more expensive for the guests.

The fact that I wouldn’t want to marry abroad and somewhere meaningless to me with only a few guests isn’t the point. It’s a guest filter for those rich enough and obliged enough to go.

I’ve had a problem with this for a while, because obviously nobody’s perfect, and it’s easy to go bridezilla when you try to make things easier for people (e.g. paying for their accommodation) and they’re still not happy with the compromise (paying for their own travel). So I’ve seen a lot of brides on the forum get stroppy about being told their being selfish and having close family (usually with small children) refuse to attend their weddings.

I just found this summarial response by Champagne_Please to a similar frustrated poster, and I’m reblogging it because I think it’s really good, and says a lot. I haven’t asked her if I can post it, but since she (we assume) posted it anonymously on an open forum, I’ve no qualms.

Unfortunately there is a mindset with Destination brides that if they give people enough time [to save] there are no excuses for not coming.

If you want a wedding in Rhodes that is lovely, but despite what financial help you are giving to people you can’t expect anybody to have to go.

As a guest at an abroad wedding, we only get one holiday abroad together a year, and when friends get married abroad, the most annoying thing to hear is “treat it as a holiday” “you should be happy” “it’s a lovely destination,” the kind of feelings that you have towards your sister. This is actually a real bug bear of mine, and if I can give you any advise for when you talk to your sister and your friends about your wedding, don’t make it out that “they can make a nice holiday out of it…,” or that it being in Rhodes is a benefit to them etc, because the key point is they are giving up probably the only holiday of their year to have your perfect holiday, not theirs.

Holidays are precious, and to say that somebody is going to have to sacrifice their own holiday, giving up where they wanted to go, when they wanted to go and very importantly who they want to go with, is probably a bigger issue than money.

I know this might sound harsh, but hopefully it will help you see it from a guests perspective. Me and H2B have been invited to a wedding in Italy, which means we can’t have a holiday that year, and the holiday we do have we have to spend with about 80 people, not just the two of us as we would want.

So your sister is allowed to go on her all inclusive holidays to Egypt etc, and you shouldn’t be holding that against her.

I honestly believe if you get married abroad, you cannot have these feelings towards any guests, and I think often destination couples do not realise what guests are actually sacrificing to come to their wedding. The smallest issue is probably the cost, but that is the easiest reason to give to a Bride without sounding mean.

I hope that has helped you see it from the other side.


About RowenaFW

I am a Fish. But you wouldn't know it just from looking at me. View all posts by RowenaFW

2 responses to “Destination Brides

  • Courtney Mara

    I guess a destination wedding could be selfish for some couples, but my fiance and I live far away from our families and our families are all around the world. Thus, for us, any place is a destination wedding. And, we didn’t want to favor one family over the other by doing it in my hometown or his. A destination wedding is best for us and our immediate families. We are also not pushing anyone to be there. I constantly tell people that they do not have to feel bad if they can’t make it because of time off, money, or family matters.

    Courtney Mara

  • Tazz

    My fiance and I live in different countries, 12000 miles away from each other. We are having our reception and getting married in South East Asia where my family and I reside, because some of my siblings live overseas and can only be back for the summer break. We will have a different reception in the US for his side of the family once I’ve moved there (still need to do visa etc). We did toy with having his family coming to our wedding in SE Asia, but his dad can’t do long distance travel (health reasons) so having two separate receptions would be the best for us.

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