She’s the One

I don’t believe that there is one woman for every man, one man for every woman, or one wedding dress for every woman.

I mean, this would require everybody to be heterosexual and every woman to get married and do so just once. Also, the statistical probability, were this the One business true, of finding your partner, a relationship being possible, speaking the same language, et cetera, is slim. The chance of ever finding the One dress would be mini and the sheer number you’d have to try on to get there bignormous. There can only ever be as many dresses as there are brides and thus they cannot be dependent upon fashion – or we would all be products of our time. Everybody must agree that your dress is perfect for you, whether or not they’d like the style themselves (and c’mon, everybody’s seen at least one picture of a woman in a wedding dress and wondered what she was taking).

And what about people who think they have found the one and then get divorced or have dress wobbles? Why should we believe anybody has the One, or that any of their feelings are genuine, if other people believe they have/are and later change their minds?

In other words, the One is about as fictional, self-invented and facrical as ghosts, goblins and crystal balls.

I’ve tried on so many dresses…from £3000 to £300 and I just don’t feel like any of them are the ‘one’- nor do I believe there is a ‘one’. Because of that, I really don’t want to spend too much and in every shop I seem to go to, I end up trying on dresses which cost £2k!!

So, it’s a nice dress, you really really love it, and you can’t imagine anything better. That’s fine. Rejoice! But don’t ascribe a fantastical, unlikely and unconvincing title like the One to it, as though your emotions about a dress or a husband were any bigger than anybody else’s.

I have to make a decision soon as my wedding is early September and because I love all the dresses I try on equally, I’m instead thinking about practicality – does it suit my venue? Can I dance properly in it? Will I feel uncomfortable if it is a really tight bodice type? Those sorts of things.

Why is the idea of there only being One for you a romantic ideal? Because of it being statistically unlikely? Because it removes the theoretical possibility of affairs and changing partners (which it doesn’t anyway)? Because it assuages the fear that it might not work out (well, if you don’t approach a relationship as something you have to work on, things will go wrong. End of story)?

I think it is more romantic to believe that there are many people you might have been happy with, but you are going to devote yourself to one, that you have chosen one and you will honour them more than any other because you have chosen them. You are not bound to them by some higher power. You want them. And you have the power to get what you want.

I find this idea breathtaking.

So returning to dresses… The dress should be special because you chose it for your wedding. You find a nice dress, and it is merely a nice dress. When you or some random relative or friend cries because they can see you getting married in it, that “the One” moment is just a hormone rush – because you have entertained the possibility of the dress being part of something which is emotional, which is big, and which is too big to really cope with by itself – and hence which is in part displaced onto your excitement over a nice frock.

I’m with you on the whole ‘the one’ business, it’s such a sales tactic by bridal shops/the wedding industry in general!

Not everyone is capable of these “the One” moments, and being told they will get it can lead to disappointment and the rejection of perfectly adequate gowns. It can lead to second, third and fouth dresses (!!!) and the wasting of vast quantities of money.

And remember, things which are not chosen can be wonderful and loved as well, when part of something special. Afterall, you love your family and your children… but you can’t choose them.


About RowenaFW

I am a Fish. But you wouldn't know it just from looking at me. View all posts by RowenaFW

3 responses to “She’s the One

  • linda

    Oh my… that second dress is really something huh…! Where did you find that? I’d love to know the back story! I can just imagine my family’s reaction if I wore something that revealing on my wedding day!

    • shapingpromises

      Hi Linda,

      I typed something like “shocking wedding dresses” into google to find these pictures. The first and last, I believe, are from My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. The second I first saw in a tabloid news article online, where they had two pictures of women both in this dress, and commented on it’s awfulness, and how one looks like a mistake, but two suggests that some women really think it’s a good idea! I think the 3rd one may actually be some piece of art representing bridal pregnancy, but the picture makes me unsure!

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