Oh God.

So I thought we were having a civil ceremony, and that meant the church had nothing to do with it – right?

Oh no. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Because the church essentially decides what a civil ceremony is. In fact, the church are so massively paranoid about civil ceremonies that they can’t get enough of them – or enough out of them.

So what is their problem? Well, something like this…

If people are allowed to get married outside the church, people will leave the church, because there aren’t really that many believers left, and they need that 28% to boost their political influence. If civil ceremonies allow people to express their personal beliefs, personalise their ceremonies and don’t have to conform to the rigid doctrine of their particular denomination, then people will stop having church weddings and follow their OWN beliefs. This would be awful, because the church would no longer be controlling these people. Not to mention many people’s only interaction with the church is through weddings, christenings and funerals…

So the church dictates what can and cannot happen in a civil ceremony. Originally, it was reduced just to the legal basis, and has since expanded and become more ceremonial, but it’s still restricted. As it were, it’s a cripple, but we now have a wheelchair and crutches.

We’ve just come up against a brick wall again with our registrars. They are very nice and helpful people, so we know it isn’t their fault, but they have changed their minds to our annoyance and expense. This is our problem: eating and drinking has religious connotations. Yes, the church OWN eating and drinking. You cannot eat, drink, or pretend to eat or drink in a civil ceremony in England.

We were originally told we couldn’t have our quaich ceremony because we couldn’t eat or drink. We were sad. We had wanted to share this with everyone. But we gave it up and decided to have a “dry” quaich. We sent the registrars an updated version of our ceremony plan, and they said it was okay. Today we called and begged to be able to speak to our registrar, as she was now allotted. During the call, she told us the quaich was a no-go. Ah! But we updated it! we said. We removed the drink, as we were told to. No, apparently a quaich ceremony is a no-go because eating and drinking at a wedding is religious. Even if there isn’t really any food or drink, and you tell everybody that fact.

She’s going to call back at 3.

The thing that bothers me is that we’re the last people to want a religious ceremony. We’ve personalised our writing about the quaich to be symbolic of what we

Symbolism in fact, seems to be the church’s problem. If it’s not about god, how dare we have symbolism, how dare we express deeper meanings? Most church-goers probably think this is as silly as I do. Of course their is depth and meaning in non-religious things – take love, for example – but the church authorities seem either to believe there isn’t, or fear that people will work out that there is. Facepalm truly is the appropriate word.

Their paranoia is getting to me too. It makes me wonder – what else isn’t allowed in civil ceremonies because it’s nearly churchy? What about “hymn style” singing – i.e. everyone standing up and joining in. Maybe that’s forbidden. Maybe that’s why they suggest readings? I’ve never heard of it in a civil ceremony myself.

What is in a Name?

So last week my passport came back (eeek!). My shiny new passport in my new name. The Fiance signed for it.

And roughly 24 hours later my old snipped passport got shoved through the letter box in a brown envelope. Hmm. That makes it sound like it got castrated.

They give you your old one back, you see, automatically, which is nice because I wanted to keep my stamps.

The new passport is post-dated for our wedding date, because I applied for a new passport for change of name with enclosed PD2 form. This is really quite straightforward.

Firstly, you download a PD2 form from direct.gov (scroll down the linked page). There is also a PD1 to help you fill it in, but here are the main points:

1. Fill it in using your existing name.

2. You need to select the passport office you will be dealing with. This depends on your location. To find this out, call the IPS Passport Adviceline on 0300 2220000 (8-8 weekdays, 9-5.30 weekends and bank holidays) OR go into your local check and send post office branch and request a passport application form (which you will need anyway): this form comes with a brown envelope with the address of the correct passport office on it. It will not necessarily be your closest one! I live in Birmingham and had to deal with Durham.

3. Post (or take in) the PD2 form with your part completed to the registry office who are doing your wedding. You will need to include a stamped SAE and cover letter requesting they fill in the PD2 and post it back to you, who you are and when/where your ceremony is, and which passport office you are dealing with (because if, for whatever reason, they are unable to marry you, they are obliged to contact the passport office independently).

Whilst your PD2 is in the post and processing, get yourself 2 passport photos. You can do this in a booth or take one yourself according to the regulations and have it made into printable versions using an online tool (I used this one) and printed at a local print shop. This cost us all of 38p. You don’t need them countersigned on the back (unless your appearance has also drastically altered).

To get a passport application form, request one online or locate your nearest Check and Send post office here, where you can go in to collect one. It comes with a booklet explaining how to fill it in.

When filling in this form, you need to:

1. Use your new, married name and sign with this name.

2. Enclose your completed PD2. You do not need to mention that a PD2 is enclosed anywhere on the form.

3. Include your two identical passport photos.

4. Enclose a cheque/form with bank details for payment of the fee – £77.50 for an ordinary (not rush) service. This is supposed to take up to 6 weeks. My passport came back to me in 2.

For a name change for a wedding, there is very little to fill in, and it is very straightforward. I still made the Fiance check mine… There’s always a bit of paranoia about whether you’ve done it all right? Is your photo okay? Did you fill the form in correctly? Well, you can get round this by using the Check and Send service at the post office for £8.17. Alternatively, you can be cheeky and send it by special delivery yourself for a fiver, and just ask the clerk at the till whether they think your photos are okay

You need to make sure that if you’re getting a post dated passport to use on the honeymoon you book everything for the honeymoon in your new married name – otherwise it won’t be valid! Plane tickets actually have to be cancelled and rebooked, which means you may not even be able to sit together.

You passport will be dated from your wedding date with an additional 9 months time for 9 months plus unused time on your previous passport.

For changing your name on other details after the marriage, I recommend getting second copy of marriage certificate, which is only £3.50 if you order it in advance of the marriage to receive on the day, but is more expensive if ordered later. This means when you have to send off your original marriage certificate with applications you are not left without it either needing it or worrying that it won’t come back.

Registering Interest

So how do you get married – you know, the legal stuff? This was something we, like most people, had to find out about (not knowing off hand and all that), mostly through researching it on the web. So for anyone who still has any queries about it, here is our experience, and as many tips as I can think of.

Unless I’ve forgotten something, there are four kinds of wedding:

Humanist (Scotland only)
Religious (general)
Church of England
Civil

And they all have their own quirks!

Humanist Weddings

I don’t pretend to know much about Scotland’s legal system, but in general their attitude to weddings is better: more relaxed, less restricted and if you have a humanist ceremony they really invite you to make your wedding your own. You can have a civil legal wedding followed by a humanist ceremony in England, but the humanist bit alone isn’t legally binding – so it’s more like a blessing.

The wedding is conducted by a celebrant, and you can choose your celebrant freely, get in touch, have a chat and decide how much you like them. The celebrant will then tailor your wedding ceremony to suit, sending you ideas or extracts from other ceremonies to help you come to a decision. You can incorporate your own beliefs or belief system/s into your wedding, whatever they may be and however they tie in to established religions.

Usually, celebrants are happy to travel all over the place to perform their services, so you don’t have to restrict yourselves to those based locally. Fees vary, depending on the individual celebrant. In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, celebrants can choose appropriate fees within an agreed band, whilst Scottish celebrants have a fee decided by unifying organisation. However, this is not the full picture, because celebrants may charge additional fees, including an ‘appearance fee’ and sometimes the licences and certificates are charged outside the basic fee. If in doubt, ask.

Religious and C of E Weddings

Getting married in a church or other religious shouldn’t be taken lightly nor done to keep the family happy. This is a huge commitment – because you are committing your marriage not only to each other, but also to god. Lots of discussions touch on the hypocrisy of being married in church if you’re not religiousas though you are offending the church by pretending to be one of their followers (because the church would never pretend they had more worshippers than they do, would they? Ahem census data versus the British Social Attutides Survey). However, there is another aspect of it: if you don’t believe in god, and you promise in your vows to commit to god as much as to your partner, doesn’t that make your vows – and thus the foundation of your entire marriage – a lie? Perhaps I’m too scrupulous, but I couldn’t take my partner’s commitment seriously if they were lying in the same breath just because some man in a robe told him to.

The message is this: if you’re getting married in church, whatever your usual beliefs, on this occasion, mean it.

Now, if you’re having a religious wedding, you need to start by going to the church/synagogue/mosque or other building you wish to get hitched in, and they will do your paperwork. Talk to whoever is in charge there and discuss the requirements for a marriage. There are usually lots!

The building you get married in may be restricted by certain requirements. For C of E, you need to live in the parish for 6 months or have a personal connection to the place (e.g. your parents got married there/live in the parish). If these don’t apply, the religioius official will probably either say no, or make you jump through other hoops, such as regularly attending religious services there, to make you prove it’s not just all about the pretty building.

You also have some choice over who performs the ceremony. If you want someone other than the priest/vicar/rabbi responsible for your building to perform the ceremony, you have to have the agreement of another official to come and marry you AND ALSO the agreement of the priest/vicar/rabbi who would be the default. This means that if you sufficiently piss off your vicar, they can forbid you to be married in their church by anyone other than themselves.

If you have been divorced you will need to discuss this with them and they may make you do more hoop jumping, or insist on bringing it up during the ceremony (ouch). It is probably best to ascertain from the start where they stand over this.

Hoop jumping

If you’re not regular church goers, you may need to start going regularly before the wedding to show your devotion to the church and its community. This is especially likely if only one of you is of the appropriate religion. In the case of Catholicism, you will need to promise to bring up children as Catholics and you may need to keep quiet about living together! Some religious officials will insist on baptising an unbaptised/non-religious spouse, most commonly in Catholicism. However, this is not universal and depends entirely upon the individual establishment.

One thing you will be asked to do is to go to a marriage preparation class. For some religions and ceremonies this is compulsory, and for others it is merely recommended. This usually involves counselling to check that you know how to communicate, that you’ve thought about the implications in living together and that you have discussed/know what to expect from sex and contraception/childbearing (especially if you’re supposed to be virgins. I think this is compulsory in Catholicism, but a lot of the time someone comes to specially talk about sex, whilst the celibate priest just sits back and watches. However, in some cases you do have to discuss your sex life with your celibate priest. Erm… ew).

In general, religious weddings are the most expensive, but this isn’t always so. The cost of getting married in church starts at a base fee of £321.50, which includes your banns, the legal fee and your certificate. You can save £22 if the church you marry in and your home church are the same, as then your banns are only read once.

On top of this, most churches request a “donation” which brings the fee up to at least the £500 mark, and is very dependent upon the individual building. Flowers, bells, choirs/organists are all additional costs which will be added on top of this if you want them and will be subject to availability and priced up by each church to their own satisfaction. Fees can easily get to £700/£800.

If you are having a C of E wedding, your vicar may be invested as a registrar, and can perform the entire ceremony under the negotiated fee. If not, or if you are having a wedding under a different religion, you will need to get the registry office involved: your religious official will perform the ceremony and one registrar will be there do teh paperwork and validate the marriage. The fee for this is a little less than a civil wedding, as you need only one registrar, and will depend upon the fee guidelines in the county you’re getting married in. Sometimes your religious official will deal with the registry office for you and include the cost within their own fees – so it’s important to ask.

Civil Weddings

Currently, the only way for a same sex couple to marry is through civil partnership, although fortunately it does look like this may change soon. And plenty of opposite sex couples, like me and the Fiance, also marry civilly. And this no longer means a quick registry office tying of the knot!

You can get married in any registered building, although no room in any building can be registered for civil AND religious ceremonies – traditionally if there is a chapel that will be for religious ceremonies, and other rooms for civil ceremonies. Non-religious buildings may be registered only for civil weddings. Further, for a civil wedding you don’t have to get married anywhere near where you live or anywhere with an association to you/your family. So there is plenty choice.

And you don’t have to get married in a hotel! When we told our parents we were getting married, we were asked, “Hotel or registry office?” and our reply was “Neither!”

You can find out which buildings are registered at Direct.Gov, which is generally a very good place to go for advice on civil weddings. And if you don’t understand it, you can give them a call!

All sorts of buildings are registered – town halls, restaurants, country houses, conference centres and heritage buildings! – and despite what the myths say, you can get married outside – so long as the outside location is registered and within the confines of a registered building (there aren’t many!). In Somerville College, you can marry in the Fellow’s Garden, and some venues have gazebos or pavillions which are licensed.

Choosing a venue can be tricky, as you have to balance having the venue and having a registrar to bundle. For this, you have to give notice. When my uncle and aunt got married, they couldn’t do this until 5 months before the wedding, after they had booked the venue and everything else, so my uncle camped out outside the registry office and made sure he was first through the door to secure a registrar! Now you can give notice up to a year in advance, which takes the pressure off a bit. We booked our appointment to give notice in advance of the 1 year mark, and then turned up when the time came around.

So what happens when you give notice?

First of all, you need to make sure that you give notice in the district in which you live, not that in which you wish to marry, unless they are the same. This means that if you live in separate districts you will have to give notice separately. We actually gave notice in Oxford, then moved to Birmingham, but that’s okay. We lived in Oxford when we gave notice and thus have only had to deal with them. If you’re in this position just make sure you tell them your new address when you move, as it will help with the paperwork later on.

For giving notice, you pay a fee of £33.75 each, and a notice of your marriage is then displayed in the registry office for 16 days, so that if anybody wishes to object, they may (they won’t, don’t worry).

At your appointment to give notice, you will have to state the time, date and location of your wedding, and after you have given notice you can change the time/date but not the venue – or you have to give notice again! You will then get asked a few questions: first that you’re happy to marry and are doing so freely, then (each taking turns in going out of the room) your partner’s full name and date of birth, and occupation. You will also be asked for your own details and they will be cross checked. If you get something wrong they will ‘black mark’ you on the form, which means they will note it as an inconsistency. From everything I’ve heard, you can know none of your partner’s details except their first and last name and get away with it, though!

One thing there have been differences of opinions over is the subject of fathers. Traditionally, the woman would not have an occupation, so her father’s name and occupation would appear on her marriage certificate. Registrars will still ask for a father’s name for the bride, and sometimes for the groom. IF YOU DO NOT WANT YOUR FATHER’S NAME ON YOUR MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE IT. I asked and was told it was unnecessary. I think they can also take an alternative “guardian”‘s details instead too, but none of this will be appearing on mine.

We were given a form to take away with us and fill in. This is usually requested back about a month before the wedding, but there’s nothing like being organised. It asks for details like the names you want used in your ceremony, whether you want any children mentioned, readings/readers (and copies of the readings to be checked), your witnesses and how you want to be announced at the end of the ceremony. It gives you the option to have your own vows or use some of theirs. The only legal compulsory bit are the Declaratory and Contracting words, for which you have to pick from their selection. You can pick any combination traditional/modern/simple, but you can’t change anything about them in the slightest, e.g. merging two versions. These words must be said before 6pm for the marriage to be valid.

Readings are very popular in civil ceremonies to pad them out and as an alternative to hymns; however, you are not under any circumstances allowed to have any god in them whatsoever. No mention of beliefs, no quotes from traditional vows (e.g. “for better for worse”)/calling your lover your angel. None of that whatsoever.

The number of readings you’re allowed again depends on your county. Oxfordshire are quite relaxed, and whilst there are 3 spaces for readings on the form they gave us, they’re happy for 3 short poems and a piece of prose. Some counties only have 2 spaces for readings. If you’re unsure, ask.

We’ve handed our form in – well, actually we scanned it into the computer and emailed it to save postage – but we didn’t actually finish filling it in! The registrars are quite happy for you to submit some information later than others, as long as they get to check it, so we haven’t decided on our vows nor how we want to be announced at the end of the ceremony.

On the wedding day itself, you will need two registrars: one to perform the ceremony and one to bookkeep. You have no say over who these are, but when they are allotted (usually 4-6 weeks before the wedding, depending on your county) you will be able to meet them or speak on the phone (and I suppose if they were incredibly offensive you could lodge a complaint, but you would then be randomly allotted a replacement, assuming there were grounds for your complaint!). Ours is allotted a month in advance, so I don’t yet know whether we have to chase up a meeting or whether we will be invited for one, but I have a sneaking suspicion it is the former!

The fee you pay for your registrars depends upon the county, time of year and day of the week – so getting married on a Saturday in May is around £400. Less if you get married on the premises.

Other Bits

It’s worth mentioning that other restrictions apply and vary between different kinds of ceremonies. The major one is photographs, and when you photographer is allowed to take pictures and move about. Churches are particularly bad about letting photographers take pictures during the ceremony, even with flash off. Some registrars/celebrants prefer them to stay seated (which is fair enough) and others are quite free about it. For our wedding, Oxfordshire are happy for our photographer to do her stuff, the only limitation being no pictures of the actual register – which is fair enough as it contains other couples’ details! Again, if in doubt, ask.

Bad Advice

Early in the wedding planning business I joined a wedding forum because I was directed there by a friend and wanted some impartial advice on wedding-related things I didn’t understand, like why most women spend £1k on a dress, get married in a church despite being atheist or pay somebody to do their make up for them. And general stuff like how a wedding “normally” went.

However, as I’ve explored a bit more, I’ve discovered that there is an awful lot of totally crap advice out there on websites. They are usually generic wedding websites, written by people who have a very narrow perspective and have failed to take into account the wider audience who might come across their ramblings. Reading these sites tends to make you feel like you forgot some wedding must-have, you’re not doing things the “right” way and need to change to be more “normal” or that you/your situation have/s been excluded.

Of course, there are some great tips out there you would not have thought of without being prompted. I would especially like to draw your attention to groompower.com, where the Fiance picked up the wonderful tip not to get overambitious polishing his shoes, to avoid a bride with black stains all over the bottom of her nice white dress.

But how can you tell the good advice from the bad?

Well, half of it is just common sense. I suppose in my case it helps that I only started browsing randomly after having talked to lots of lovely ladies. It also helps that I am stubborn and opinionated and that we’re doing a lot of things differently and don’t feel the need to follow the (baa) flock. But even if you’ve started from the same point I have, you can easily end up having a little wobble because something you’ve read on a random website has given you doubts. You might not even go there on purpose. You might get linked there on a forum, by a supplier or through a seemingly innocent link embedded in a blog post.

So here are some Hot Tips for recognising Bad Advice.

1. It’s usually very brief

The bad advisor cannot be bothered to go into details, do further research or question to what extent their advice is limited by their own experience. They probably don’t really know what they’re talking about and thus there isn’t much of it. If they’re trying to sell a product, it’s best not to mention alternatives if possible.

2. It’s linked to Branding

If the site is flaunting one supplier or another, it’s biased. So, okay, we all know this, but sometimes the site doesn’t just big itself up – it hides alternatives. There’s nothing wrong with looking through these sites for lists of products, but be cautious as you do it.

Make up sites are particularly bad at this, telling you that you have to wear one thing or another, telling you what the bridal look is or harrassing you with package deals for your big day. If they don’t offer an product they also won’t mention key things like the fact that it’s worth looking for as much waterproof make up as possible – especilaly for your eyes. They won’t tell you that you can try samples for free or have free make up lessons on Boots/Debenhams/John Lewis stalls and that these things might be really useful in case their products disagree with your skin or something. Good advice will tell you to try before you buy, warn you that everything is not sunshine and glass slippers, and encourage you to shop around.

In other words, it doesn’t sell, it advises. And if instead you go to see a make up vendor in person, they’ll probably give you real advice too.

3. “Signal” word like “you must” and “never”

Why? Is it the done thing? Would it be an awful faux pas if you did? Would your family throw down their champagne flutes and perform a mass exit in protest? I suspect not.

Whatever happens, it’s your day. Yes, you need to take the feelings of your guests into account, of course you do, but only you know your guests. It’s easy to follow decades of tradition rather than actually decide what is suitable, but you should still do this, because the traditional way might not be suitable either.

Don’t let any website give you orders. An order on a site is an invitation to click the big red cross in the corner. So if you see a command on an advice page (e.g. “Don’t let any website give you orders.”) really sit down and question it – it may be a strongly-voiced opinion, or casual use of language… or you may well be best moving on from there.

Good advice will give you some hints and tips, suggest alternatives and then invite you to decide what is appropriate given your own set of circumstances.

4. It invites you to be selfish

Wedding related media is particularly guilty of this because it is Your Day and thus only what You Want matters. So if you want to eat raw meat and give out condoms as favours, do it! Who cares how many people beg you not to. …Erm? Even wedding forums can get pretty bad – though it does depend upon the forum and its feel and attitudes.

I was recently reminded of this by a thread on a facebook group I frequent. The poster asked:

How much do you agree that weddings are JUST about the bride and groom?.. I personally think that as soon as you invite guests, you are a host, and should consider your guests.

I ask because over on the UKBride forum there’s a thread about menu choices, and everyone apart from me has said something along the lines of picking what the couples wants, and not considering the guests. This seems silly to me as a) presumably, people do actually LIKE the people they are inviting and want them to have a good time, and not go hungry and b) surely if you’re spending x amount on a meal, you don’t want 75% of the guests not to eat it?

There was a whole stream of choices, especially from lots of women desperate to drool over their menu choices once again, but one in particular caught my attention and is relevant to this post:

Please don’t get me wrong, but UKB seems to have a culture that isn’t necessarily conducive to planning an enjoyable wedding. Your guests ARE important as is making them feel comfortable.

5. Key information is missi

This is only particularly noticeable to those who are going for something different to what is mentioned, but even if your choices are covered by the advice, noticing that others aren’t should be a big clue to treat the rest of the content with a pinch of salt. Why? Because advice should help people make choices, not force them to feel outcast if they don’t do it your way.

The main example I have found is something on the lines of a discussion on the beautiful church wedding vs the cheap quick registry wedding. Erm, well, not all church/registry weddings are like that, plus what about other religions, or the large number of registered buildings for civil ceremonies which are out there? There are even plenty of places for fussy buggers like the Fiance and I who ruled out hotels into the bargain. Just have a look yourself.

6. It’s American

Sadly true that whilst lots of American customs are applicable to UK couples, not all of them are, and you might come across several of the other bad advice signals which arise accidentally simply because things are different over there. It’s a great fallacy to assume that because we have a shared language we also have a shared culture.

I’m talking about lots of things which American culture assumes. Like having a rehearsal dinner (what???) or a receiving line. Like asking you “What are you doing for your favours?” (or “favors”, which I can’t help but pronounce in an Italian accent as “fah-vorrs”!) instead of “Are you doing favours?” Because Americans brought favours back in to popularity, and now many UK brides are starting forum threads like

Favours?? Can i be arsed? Do you have to do favours? Will people think less of me if i dont?

7. It makes very odd assumptions

They key example I have of this is an article I rambled across about how to meet your future in-laws for the first time… which makes the very odd assumption that after getting engaged, one of the first things you’ll need to do now is meet your other half’s parents. Which is okay, right, except that I’m sure most people will have met them before now. Won’t they???

Articles like this worry me. They encourage people to avoid meeting their partner’s family until absolutely necessary, and then, when they meet them to follow dodgy advice, like doing research on them to endear yourself to them (erm, stalkerish at all?), which seems inherently dishonest. Be nice and all that, but don’t fix a false smile, compliment their hideous dress and tell them you are a massive golf fan too.

I’ve just had a furious google around to relocate the article, and found several similar – but longer (see item1)!

These longer articles largely repeat the obvious stuff, but also mention that you should BE YOURSELF. Advice strangely at odds with the false compliments suggestions. Some articles even tell you not to make assumptions based on the first meeting. Crikey. Is that actually… GOOD advice?

So where can you go for good advice?

Forums are usually pretty good, although as we’ve discussed it does depend upon the forum, the mood, the attitudes, the general flavour in the air. Specialist websites are also good, of the non-branded variety, which will also hopefully take you outside the fluffy world of weddings, where everything is a must-have at 150% ££s. Personal experiences are a favourite of mine, because if you explore enough of them you get a better idea about the range that’s out there than if you start with a magazine’s site or something that pre-selects the writers who fit their “look”. Read one and you’re not much better off, but read several and you’ll acquire a much more representative slice.

Here’s something you may not want to hear – then again, I’ve got it from my experience. When it comes to weddings, advice from men and advice for men tends to be saner, more sensible, and to the point.

Of course this is not always true, but in general men are much less carried away by the sentiments, the prettinesses and the dream-quality of a wedding. To them it’s much more about you the couple, and a nice party afterwards. And so accordingly their advice tends to be much more earthed and snap you back to reality.

However, I did read this really awful report on how to choose the ring and stage your proposal from a bloke who treated the whole thing like a business arrangement and the ring choice as a dealbreaker, using phrases like “[y]ou will markedly improve your chances of success if” and basically encourages every would-be-fiance to become a diamond expert. He also flags up the necessity of asking for permission. THIS IS AN EXTREMELY PERSONAL THING AND YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY ASCERTAIN THE PERSONAL SITUATION WITH RESPECT TO PERMISSION AND NOT TAKE THE ADVICE OF SOME RANDOM GUY ON THE WEB. Some girls absolutely love the romance of having their father asked for permission, and some fathers feel that they have the right to this request. Some couldn’t care less. Others, like me, would probably have turned down their bloke had he asked their father (or other key family member) for permission and decided that the relationship needed further work for a bit. Nobody has the right to decide my future for me. I am my partner’s equal, and I want my partner to be a man who respects my rights to choose over following a tradition hungover from when women were property. Luckily, he is. Asking for a blessing post engagement is totally different.

Good advice would out these issues and tell you to investigate the right way in your partner’s family. Bad advice cheers you on to follow the traditional “romantic” route, because that looks pretty down on paper. Well, screen.

Tips can also be picked up on completely non-wedding-topic related sites, and these tips are often more honest because they are not invested in the business. These are the kinds of things you will come across when you are not looking for wedding related advice, but browsing harmlessly, which I hope you are still doing, as it will probably help you avoid the post-wedding blues, which seem to be quite common, especially amongst those who give up the rest of their life whilst planning your big day.

We recently came across a really awesome tip for shaving smoothly from, peculiarly, Neil Gaiman, which was this. If you were looking for advice on a clean, smooth shave for your wedding day, I severely doubt your first port of call would be a fantasy writer’s blog. So it just shows.